A collection of Hilarious One-shots
by 123anime
Summary: A series of one-shots ;) Hope you guys like it! If you have requests, please send them in through a review. Romance, tragedy, plain humor, etc is fine! And please review, everyone!
1. Christmas At The Burrow

THIS IS KINDA CHEEZY AND WEIRD BUT I HAD THIS IDEA AND THEN I COULDN'T JUST THROW IT AWAY LIKE THAT SO HERE!

"Harry and Hermione dear!" said a woman, bustling over to them, "I'm so glad you decided to spend Christmas at the Burrow!"

Carrying Hedwig's cage with one hand, and a trunk with the other, Harry smiled ruefully, "Frankly, I think my relatives are much happier without my-err, presence."

"Nonsense, Harry!" Mrs. Weasley declared, giving them three a peck on the cheek, "Come in! This week's a bit hectic, with all our Christmas preparations…"

Suddenly, something-two things-pounced on the three, "Finally!" said Fred-or was it George- in Hermione's ear, "We thought you'd never get here! Mum, may we escort our lovely guests to their rooms?"

"…" Ron turned to Hermione and Harry, "Fred and George are never this nice... I bet they're up to no good."

Hermione was jerked out of her flashback as Mrs. Weasley said, "Hermione, dear, take this," she handed Hermione a pile of dirty laundry, "Won't you take this outside and clean it, please? Ronald, you go dress the turkey."

Hermione hefted up the basket and went outside. Pulling out her wand, she was about to cast a cleaning spell when-

"Hermione, oi!" Harry yelled, waving his arms up and down.

Hermione looked up in surprise to see a large flock of chickens scampering towards her. In a flash, Hermione was bowled over by the lot, and laundry flew everywhere.

Ron was inside, stuffing the last spoonful of gravy in the turkey while Ginny nonchalantly tied a sparkly pink bow onto the turkey's neck.

Ron groaned, "GINNY, WHY IN THE NAME OF MERLIN'S PANTS?! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!" Ginny looked up with wide innocent eyes. "NOW THE TURKEY LOOKS LIKE IT JUST STEPPED OUT OF MADAME MALKIN'S!"

Ginny shook her head, "Don't be such a spoilsport, Ron. The turkey looks beautiful~don't you, little darling?" she said, cooing at it.

Giving himself a face palm, Ron decided to take a stroll outside to calm himself. Before he could set a foot out of the door, a large crash was heard from the yard.

Harry stared at the chickens as they danced around Hermione with clothing all over their heads.

"Hermione!" Ron appeared beside them, panting, his wand smoking slightly. He surveyed the scene with an exasperated sigh, "If you wanted to dress the turkey with Ginny so badly why didn't you say so?!"

Before Hermione could protest her innocence, a sudden eruption of laughter sounded behind them. Neither of the three were surprised to see Fred and George.

Hermione moaned, "Oh for Merlin pant's sake, it was you two…"

Ron looked surprised, "So in actuality you didn't want to dress the chickens?"

"Of course not!" Harry shook his head and grinned mischievously, "Poor Fred and George, when Mrs. Weasley sees this she'll probably decide to add them to the menu…"

"Aw c'mon, be a good sport!" said the twins with a wink, "Merry Christmas!"


	2. In which Hagrid attemps to ride a broom

"HARRY!" Hagrid booms, striding into Number 4, Privet Drive, "HARRY!"

"Boy!" Vernon Dudley shouts from downstairs, "Someone from your lot's down 'ere to see you. Hurry up and get 'im OUT OF THIS HOUSE!"

From upstairs, Harry sighed, and smiled ruefully at Sirius, who had been talking to him through the mirror. "Sorry, Sirius, looks like I've got to go then. I think a wizard just showed up here without warning."

Sirius nodded, "Well then, take care of yourself, alright? I'll be here if you need anything."

"Yeah," Harry nods, and Sirius dissappeared from view. _I miss him already_, thinks Harry, as he placed the mirror back into his bag. Standing up, he heard another yell of "Boy!" from downstairs. Who could it be at this hour, anyways? It was just after dinner, afterall...

Walking down the stairs, the scene below made Harry freeze in his tracks. Hagrid. Was. Right. In. Front. Of. Him. Harry added a mental reminder to himself to get some more sleep.

"Er, Hagrid?" Harry asked, tilting his head to the side uncertainly.

"I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS!" Harry's uncle yelled, "I WANT HIM OUT! OUT! OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Hagrid points his flowery pink umbrella at Vernon Dudley's nose, and he falls silent. "Thought so. Now, Harry, lets go outside, shall we?"

Harry nodded, and followed Hagrid out.

"Now, see 'ere, Harry..."Hagrid trailed off, "I need to , er, learn how to ride a broom."

"..."

"And I was wonderin', who could teach me? And then I thought of you, y'know, and how you're such a great quidditch player and everythin and I was wondering, would you teach me? That is, er, if I'm not taking up most of your vacationing time 'cause you know, vacationing time is for, well, VACATIONING!"

"Uh, yeah," Harry said, "But, um, Hagrid, I'm not sure if the broom will hold your weight..."

Silence.

More silence..

And more...

And then...

"Yeah."

"Sorry Hagrid," Harry says...

"No, Harry, boy, I'll just cast a few enchantments and this broom will hold just fine!" Hagrid raises his umbrella, "See?"

Feeling uncertain, Harry started giving him instructions. After a few tries, Hagrid was able to lift off the ground, but after 15 seconds, there was a crack, and the broom broke.

"Hagrid! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," Hagrid says, picking himself up, "I'll patch up the broom in a few days, and come back for our next lesson, alright?"

Harry nodds, looking at the small crater imprint Hagrid had left in his aunt's garden bed.

"Aw, don't you worry 'bout that," Hagrid says, patting Harry on the back, which nearly sent Harry flying forwards, "I choose nighttime 'cause no one would see us. You just go and tell her it was...oh what do Muggles call them these days? Oh yes, UF something. UF..Oh. Uh, UFOh, alright?"

Harry nods, "Take care, Hagrid!"

"Oh!" Aunt Petunia exclaims the next moring, "EEEEEEEK!"

"What is it, Mommy?"

"A UFO mark! Thank goodness they didn't land on the house, oh..."

Harry stiffled his laughter. Well, if a few more "UFOs" showed up, hopefully Aunt Petunia wouldn't mind!


	3. For the Draco Malfoy fans out there!

**THIS ONE HAS A BIT OF ROMANCE, NOTHING GRAPHIC, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. HOPE YOU LIKE IT! PLEASE REVIEW!**

I'm admiring a little heart-shaped silver locket with a dragon scale engraved onto it, that was on the shelf. So pretty. Not that anyone would buy it for me, or that I had enough to waste on something like that. But I did like it. I'd also miss it when it would be bought off the shelf.

The charm shimmers and I leap back to the front desk, and looked at the person who walked in.

Draco~" I yell, "What're you doing here?!"

Draco turns around, his eyes widen as he sees me.

I cross my arms and glare at him, "I thought you said this place was unsuitable for great Slytherins, huh? So what're you doing here?!"

He stares at the ground, then looks back up at me. His left hand absentmindedly flips away a loose lock of white-blonde hair from his face, looking nervous, "Uh, I, um...wanted to talk to...you?" He says, looking uncertain.

"Well you talked to me. Now leave," I said, still glaring at him, "You aren't welcome here, especially when it's my shift. Out."

_*flashback moment*_

_My charm shimmers and I look up to see Draco Malfoy come into the store. He looks around and seems to be interested in one of the wizard robes. Usually when someone came in, Roseanne would be here to help them out, but she had been sick through the weekend so I had to come to Diagon Alley, tap the wall with my wand while feeling like an half-wit. Today, I would have to help the customers by myself._

_Thats right, he was a customer, nothing else. _

_No matter what he had done at school, or how many times he had gotten angry at me after I stuck up for him when I thought Potter went just a little too overboard. Well, I was done with that after our recent quarrel, leaving him calling me worse than a Muggle. However, I couldn't kick him out because he was a customer, and a customer = buisness = a happy wizard when Mr. Popanty comes back to check up on how I was._

_I fiddle with my wand as a lady comes to my desk with a pair of robes, "Excuse me, do you work here?"_

_I look up and put on my best friendly smile, "Yes m'am. Would you like to try those on?" I said, gesturing towards the robes._

_She shakes her head, "I just need to get this tailored..."_

_"Oh." If Roseanne was here, I would leave with the lady, to take her measurements, but it was only me today. I couldn't leave the store ungarded. What should I do?_

_"Melody," says Draco, "You work here?" I nodd, and look up as Crabbe and Goyle walk in with a bunch of Slytherin friends. _

_"Um, sorry," I say to the new arrivals, "The store will be temporarily closing. Please come back later."_

_"Aw, Mel, don't worry," says Crabbe, "We'll watch the store while you're gone." He says, gesturing to Goyle and Draco._

_Normally, I would've said no, but Draco was there, and I thought I could trust him. Picking up my wand, I cast a seal spell on the store's door, and lead the woman over to a private screened room. After a while, I stood up and placed the robes she wanted in a basket, "If you'd be so kind as to stop by some time tomorrow in the morning to pick them up?" She nods and hands me a few coins, before dissaparating out of the store._

_I walk back to the front of the store, and stare at the sight. The shelves were empty. They had stolen the things. Turns out, I spent the whole afternoon chasing them down with magic, and getting into loads of trouble for using magic outside of Hogwarts._

_Thanks a bunch, Draco._

"I'm sorry," says Draco, for like the millionth time, "For_ that_."

The ball of rage that I had been trying to restrain grew. "Sorry?! Sorry?! No! No, Draco. I. am. Done. With. Trusting. You," I take a few breaths to calm myself, "Out. Now."

"Is there anything I can do to...make it up to you?" asked Draco. I paused for a moment, he looked sincere. Just like last time.

"No. In actuality, you cannot make it up to me. However," I said, still frowning, "You can help by getting OUT. NOW."

"I-" Draco sighs, "Look. Here, I'll buy something." I said nothing, but pursed my lips as he picked something off of the shelf. The locket that I had been admiring.

"Who's that for?" I said, feeling a twinge of something I couldn't describe. Oh why did he have to buy it?

Draco shruggs, not meeting my eyes as he places it on the desk, "..Somebody special." I sigh, _goodbye locket-that-I-would-look-at-everyday-by-this-shop' s-window_. Draco pulls out a bunch of coins and shoves it into my hand.

I look at it, did he purposely give me WAY too much?

"Uh," he rubs the back of his neck, "Is there, like, a box that would look well with this?" A box? I point to a rack with gift boxes, and he goes and picks one out. I raise my wand, ready to wrap it for him, but he shakes his head, "I'll do that myself."

"Okay," I said, handing him back his change, "...have..an..." _Nice_. no. I couldn't bring myself to say that, "Stay safe."

He nods and waves. I subconsciously touch my forefinger that his hand had lightly brushed when he took his change. Draco wasn't that bad when he wasn't with his friends.

************************************************** ************************************* *A few months later*

I'm sitting on a bench outside, looking through my history textbook, when something hits me hard on the back of my neck. My coat is, within seconds, fully drenched. Looking back, I see them. Typical Crabbe and Goyle, picking on Ravenclaws. Crabbe whips out another snowball, and I flinch. I was never fond of the cold. In fact, I didn't get sick-except in winter. The snowball never hits me, though.

Draco has caught Crabbe's wrist, and he says something, and the two leave. Draco leaves with them.

"Melody, are you alright?" says Roseanne, "You're picking at your food again."

I smile weakly, "I'm okay, I'm not feeling very well, thats all." And of course, Draco chose that moment to walk past me.

"Aw," Roseanne looks sad, "Try and drink..." she trails off, listing a bunch of different teas and stew, "I hope you get better before the day after tomorrow! I wouldn't want to miss Christmas." I nod, _I hope so too_.

I pause in the hallway. It was empty, except for me. Most people had already returned to each of their designated dorms. I lean against the wall for a moment, wishing my head would stop spinning. Stupid fever. An icy cold hand touches me and I whirl around in suprise. The white-blonde hair could only belong to one person.

"Melody?" Draco says, standing way too close, "You're really pale, and you're shivering."

I shake my head, "Your hand's cold, that's all."

Draco taps my head, "You're feverish."

I sigh with irritation, "I know that! And you should go to your dorm now!" Draco raises his eyebrows.

"And leave you in this condition?"

"I. Am. Fine." I said, taking a wobbly step away from him, "Goodnight." I turn and prepared myself to walk away, but my legs turn into jelly and I nearly fall. Draco catchs me by my waist and picks me up. I'm too weak to argue and I lean my head against his chest to 'cool off'. We get into my room, and only after do I realize Draco actually has some brains because he was able to get through the Ravenclaw door.

He helps me lie down and places a cold wet cloth on my forehead. I sigh with relief and feel myself getting drowsy.

"Draco~?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks" My eyes close and I drift off to sleep.

************************************************** *********************************** _*A few days pass and I recover. It's Christmas Day now, like 5 in the morning_*

I got up early. Way too early. I always do, on Christmas. Pulling on a cloak, I decided to take a walk outside in the Hogwart's hall like I always did.

_I'm not alone_, I realized, as I strolled through the halls. The footsteps catch up to me, and the shadow is familiar. Draco. I turn around, about to say something, but I'm cut off as he shoves something into my hands. A box. I look up at him and in the dim light, I could see a pink-ish tint on his cheeks. Draco smiles lopsidedly and leans down, and gives me a kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Melody,"

Then of course, to my annoyance, he runs off before I could say anything.

_Draco...Merry Christmas to you too_.

I return to my dorm, and open the box. Inside was the heart-shaped silver locket with the dragon scale engraved on it, the locket that I had been admiring in the store...

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**UM, SO THAT'S THE ENDING (FOR THIS ONE-SHOT)! HOPE YOU LIKED IT, AND PLEASE REVIEW!**

**SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF THAT WAS A GOOD ENDING OR NOT? SHOULD I ADD SOMETHING ELSE?**


	4. SEQUEL to Draco Malfoy one-shot

**HI, THANKS TO YOLOSWAPOTTER FOR THE REVIEW, HERE'S A SEQUEL TO THE DRACO MALFOY ONE-SHOT:**

Perhaps it was because I knew that Draco put me above everything else that I felt my own heart warm to his? I'm not sure. But today, two years later on Christmas day, 5:00 o'clock in the morning, when I'm taking a way-too-early-stroll through the Hogwarts Halls when Peeves wasn't even awake, that I thought of him.

Draco, do you still love me? While your family services the dark lord? Will there ever be a happy ending for the two of us? I remember once, when I stayed at Professor Snape's office for mixing in the wrong ingredients in a simple Polyjuice potion, I accidentaly cast a spell which allowed me to peak at his memories. Snape and Lily never worked out. Would we? If you were here, Draco, what would you say?

This was different. This love wasn't one sided. Our love wasn't one-sided, so it would have to have a happy ending, right? _Lying to yourself isn't healthy, for muggles and wizards too. _I frowned at the voice in my head and continued on walking.

*flashback*

_Hermione sat down beside me while we were studying outside. Hermione and I, we were good friends._

_"Hi Hermione," I said, raising my head from my history textbook, "Want to study-" then I saw her face, "..What's the matter? Nervous 'bout next year?"_

_Hermione shook her head, "The thing is, Melody...I just, you know, thought it wouldn't be fair if I didn't give you a heads-up.." her voice trails off and she takes a deep breath, "I'm not coming back next year." I widened my eyes, Hermione was going to drop out?! "T-there's something I have to do, and I can't really tell you anything more. I just wanted to tell you..."_

_I nod in understanding, "It's something you have to do with Potter and Ron, yes?" She looks away. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me. At least I'll know you're safe next year.." Hermione raises her eyebrows and I blush. "..Draco warned me to stay safe next year..he didn't tell me what was going to happen, but it's bound to be something. He warned me, you know..." I confessed, hanging my head._

_"About that," Hermione paused, "Melody..I don't think you should hang out with Draco that often..." I opened my mouth to reply but she went on quickly, "I can see he cares about you, Melody, but he's with Voldemort, you know. I just don't want my best friend to get hurt. Draco isn't like the other death eaters, and you're a pureblood, but he..oh I don't know..."_

_"Hermione.." I looked at her in the eyes, "I think, I think I love him too." Hermione nodded, and I felt tears pricking my eyes, "Do you think...Do you think it'll work out? It seems so impossible.. but I know he has a nice side, and I love the person inside him that he tries to cover up..." _

_Hermione took my hand in my own as I started to cry, "He loves you, and you love him. Melody, I know it seems impossible, but it'll work out, because it's you." I nodded, and, after a while, I calmed down. _

_Standing up, I gave Hermione a tight hug, "Stay safe, Hermione. We'll see eachother again, okay?" _

_***************************************end flashback***************************************** *****_

DRACO'S POV

I see her, Melody, walking along the halls. She pauses at the column where I had kissed her. I take a step towards her, wanting to wish her Merry Christmas, but I stopped myself. The Dark Lord could be watching, for all I knew, and if he saw me with her, would he hurt her? Most likely yes. I stayed there, hidden in the shadows, as I watch her bend down and peer at the little brown package I had left for her there. She picks it up, and clutches it close to her chest. I'm close enough to hear her whisper, "I love you, Draco. Merry Christmas..." She puts a package down, and, still holding my gift for her, she starts walking back to the Ravenclaw dorms.

When I thought she was far enough, I stepped out of the shadows and picked up the package she left for me, "I love you too, Melody. Merry Christmas..."

******************after the death of You-Know-Who************************************** **************

Melody's POV

I search for his face, anything, throughout the crowd. Part of me is angry at him for supporting the Dark Lord for so long, but the other part of me was just hoping to see him again, hoping that he was safe. Draco, please please please don't be dead...

Then I spot him, with his parents, and I let out a sigh of relief. Now I can be angry at him (I couldn't if he was dead). He sees me, and takes a step towards me, but I whirl away, and look for Hermione instead. His footsteps quicken behind me, and I walk faster too..Hermione, look for hermione...but even through the noisy hollering of everyone else's celebrating, I focused on listening to Draco's footsteps...He gets close enough, and puts a hand on my shoulder, but I pull away from him, "Leave me alone." The hand grips me tighter, and he puts his lips near my ear, and my heart pounds faster.

"Fine. I'll talk to you at our usual spot at night."

I jerk free of his hold, but both he and I knew I would come. "Hermione!" I hugged my friend tight and we both started crying happily, "Hermione, oh Hermione, I've missed you so much!"

"Melody..I missed you a lot too," Hermione takes a good look at me, "So how are things? Did you pass the last year's examinations? Was Hogwarts alright with Snape as the Headmaster?"

I pretend to think for a moment, "Well...it was quite an _educational_ experience...not as educational as yours, I'm sure." We laugh and sit down, "So how's Ron?"

"Good.." Hermione blushes, "Stupid guy, ticked me off a thousand times though." We laugh again, unaware of the fact that Ron was right behind us. "But how are things with Draco?"

I looked down, "I'm glad he's alright...but I...I'm angry, I guess. I mean, he supported the Dark Lord, I don't even know if the part of him that I loved is still there..." I sighed, "I think it is, Hermione, I really do. I just, I just don't know what would happen, you know. I want him to show who he is, and be himself throughout my life with him, not just when we're alone together!"

Hermione patted my back ressuringly, "You have a heart kind and gentle enough for that to happen, Melody. And you know what? I forgive him already."

I looked up at her, "Really?" She nodded.

************************************************** ***********************meeting at night**********

I'm standing at the column, wondering where Draco was. Was he late? Or was he hiding? I wasn't really sure. I put my hand on the column and make the mistake of closing my eyes. I was grabbed my the waist and gently pulled into a kiss. Draco.

Fury fills me and I push away from him. "Why Draco? Why?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?! You think that will change everything that has happened so far? Sorry? Well I'm sorry too, Draco. Sorry that I let you dress up like a death eater for too long, sorry that you turned out like this. I'm sorry too, " I snarl.

Draco looks at me, "I think, I think I can make it up to you, Melody." I wait for him to continue. "Give me a chance, and I promise I'll make you happier than any other wizard can." His eyes pierce mine, and I know he's telling the truth.

I looked away, "I wasn't really angry at you, you know..." tears are swimming in my eyes again, "I just didn't know if I would ever see you again, I though you were-"

Draco pulls me into a tight hug and gently carassed my hair, "I'm here now, Melody, I'm here now." I nod, and we kiss again.

"I love you, Draco."

"I love you too, Melody."

**END**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**OKAY, SO THIS WAS A BETTER ENDING, WASN'T IT? XD PLEASE REVIEW,  
****IS THERE ANY ONE-SHOTS YOU GUYS MIGHT WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT? IDK...  
THANK YOU FOR READING!**


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